Its a wonderful day to dump him !

And We Certainly Don't Owe Society an Explanation

There was a time when updating my LinkedIn or blog with #OpenToWork and approaching professional contacts for career opportunities left me frustrated.

Instead of professional conversations, I sometimes encountered matrimonial-style photographs and God Father videos from middle-aged men whose intentions appeared unrelated to professional networking.

It made me question something: Would I have faced the same treatment if I were married? 

Perhaps this is an uncomfortable dimension of being an unmarried woman navigating professional spaces, despite all the conversations around Diversity, Equity and Inclusion.

Society seems to have its own narrative about my life. It assumes that I am single because nobody chose me, that my virginity is evidence of rejection, Perhaps, in its eyes, I am a failure because I have not conceived, married, or fulfilled the conventional role assigned to a woman.

Sometimes, I wonder whether labelling an independent woman as unsuccessful makes it easier for men to position themselves as her rescuers.
My independence then becomes a deficiency to be corrected, and 
My choices then become evidence of something supposedly wrong with me.

My life then becomes a problem to be solved, 

But what if I do not need rescuing?

For 19 years since my father's death, I have lived independently without a man by my side. I have learned to stand on my own feet.

Marriage is not a proof of a woman's success.

Virginity is not evidence of rejection or undesirability.

Motherhood is not a prerequisite for a meaningful female existence.

Perhaps this is what society finds difficult to understand: 
A woman can be single without being unwanted. 
She can be a virgin without being undesirable.
She can remain childless without being a failure. 
And she can experience desire without feeling obligated to act upon it.

At this stage of life, some middle aged men may look for emotionally or financially vulnerable women with whom they can negotiate transactional relationships. There may be women willing to enter such arrangements, and that is their personal choice.

But I want to make one thing clear: I chose to remain single. I did not become single because circumstances left me with no other option.

My independence is a conscious choice, not a consequence of rejection. 

Please do not mistake my independence for vulnerability or my openness to professional opportunities for an invitation to negotiate with my personal boundaries.

Dump him again....

Today, when I come across those funny Jeevansathi-style matrimonial photographs and Godfather-like videos, I simply roll my eyes and laugh rather than get frustrated.

But what genuinely concerns me is the larger question: 

Are women in vulnerable circumstances receiving equal professional opportunities, let alone coaching, mentorship and sponsorship?

I belong to a group of women who have experienced not just a lack of mentorship and coaching, but also unequal access to opportunities over the past decade in India. 

I was doing great outside India.

Yet, I believe I am doing remarkably well, drawing strength from my education, professional experience, skills and capabilities.

I may not have had all the support systems, but I have never stopped investing in myself.

My circumstances do not define my capabilities, and the absence of sponsorship does not diminish my potential.

I don't owe society marriage. 

I don't owe men intimacy. 

I don't owe anyone an explanation for my independence.

I owe myself authenticity, dignity and the freedom to choose.