In my previous blog post, I wrote about how difficult it can be for a single woman to live independently in India compared with other parts of the world.
A woman can be ambitious and professionally driven while still desiring love, intimacy, affection, and companionship. These aspects of her humanity do not contradict one another.
Yet, in our society, a woman is often expected to suppress her biological and emotional needs to preserve a relationship, protect her reputation, or advance her career. Some are even expected to compromise their personal boundaries to prove their professional commitment. I experienced this discomfort in 2018–2019.
Today, I want to address something that deserves greater attention: how society uses the narrative of a woman's supposed insecurity about relationships to undermine her independence and control her choices.
When a woman's refusal becomes a story of Insecurity.
When I refused to conform in 2018, the narrative surrounding me changed, the assumption became that I was insecure about relationships, afraid of being rejected by a man I might be attracted to.
I lost my father on October 22, 2008, on the day of Diwali. This week is his 19th Death Anniversary.
For nearly 19 years - Two decades, I have navigated life without a male partner or a father to lean on. I have learnt to stand on my own feet, make difficult decisions, and take responsibility for my future.
Yet - Even today so conveniently society labels me as insecure about relationships, or afraid of being rejected by a man only because i express my sexual desire and biological needs on my blog. And then someone decides i dont qualify for a job opportunity.
Thats the story !
My independence and freedom of expression suddenly becomes the story of insecurity.
Having travelled and worked in different parts of the world, I have observed that such assumptions stem from men from traditional Indian family environments with limited exposure to independent women.
Example : Nearly 80% of my colleagues were separated - divorced in a foreign country where i worked.
In India i see the same traditional indian men who cant approve my independence idealizing one separated woman who quit her marriage after 18 years.
Its funny.......
Rather than accepting that I may be single by choice, some men seem more comfortable believing that I am single because of my circumstances or that my life represents a failure.
Is it possible that their perceptions are shaped less by the woman's reality and more by the cultural traditional norms with limited exposure with independent woman ?
Friends, here is a little secret.
Sometimes, i write bold, playful, or provocative sexy post, and if you happen to come across a particularly bold sexy post on my blog, perhaps it is simply my way of challenging the discomfort that these men have with a woman who owns her sexuality.
Their narratives are almost comical: It goes like this - Apparently, I write bold, playful sexy posts about sexuality because I am insecure about losing a man I might be attracted to. I cannot help but laugh at how my self-expression gets turned into a story about insecurity—and how, eventually, someone decides that I do not deserve a professional opportunity.
Equally concerning is when women themselves reinforce patriarchal expectations to protect their own sexual interests.
This is the third time iam loosing a Job opportunity from the same system only because of my biological sexy - expressions. I dont have the freedom of expression.
I am sorry, but I cannot continue putting myself through this discomfort.
I am a feminist, I have spent years building a life in which I can stand on my own feet. I will not abandon that independence to satisfy someone else's expectations of how a single woman should behave.
My story is - I chose to be single and you must accept it ; and stop seeing me as a failure only because iam single.
And I will continue to believe that professional success and personal freedom can—and must—coexist.
There will be someone who will hire me without questing what iam writing on my blog..
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