When a woman's sexuality becomes the story of Insecurity !

As a woman, I have always felt connected to my instinctual feminine energy, aligned with the rhythms of lunar cycles.

Yet, I have been exploring the — ULTIMATE INNER BALANCE — the balance between masculine and feminine energies within me.

Yes, regardless of our gender, each one of us have both masculine and feminine energies within us.

Chinese philosophy expresses the interplay of opposites through Yin and Yang — stillness and action, each necessary to the other. Carl Jung explored the masculine and feminine dimensions of the psyche, while the Hindu symbolism of Ardhanarishwara, Shiva and Uma united in one form, offers a powerful image of complementary energies coexisting within wholeness. Then we also have Japanese Wabi-Sabi.

Across these traditions, I find a common inspiration: there is both feminine and masculine energies within each one of us and intimacy is the journey towards understanding ourselves.

Tat Tvam Asi — “That thou art.”

Perhaps what we seek outside is already within us.

For me, this journey is also about understanding my sexuality.

When we achieve inner balance, external balance (outside partner) becomes a choice rather than a compulsion.

Without inner balance, we may find ourselves constantly resisting the forces of nature, struggling to accept imperfection, and seeking external circumstances to create a sense of stability within us.

Most relationships today seem to be shaped by material gains, social expectations, and a sense of obligation rather than genuine choice. Somewhere along the way, society began prioritizing security and convenience over emotional freedom and authentic connection.

When a woman is compelled to surrender to secure financial stability, social acceptance, or professional opportunities, submission ceases to be an expression of intimacy and becomes a form of self-abuse. Perhaps this is why many women have learned to distrust submission altogether.

Interestingly, women who enter relationships primarily for a man’s financial security may find it difficult to embrace submission as a genuine expression of intimacy. 

For me, the possibility of a relationship in which a man can express his dominant energy, and I can freely explore my feminine submissive side represents a form of intimacy I want to understand. 

Being submissive is an Integral part of showing my feminine energy.  I want to experience it.

For me this is the definition of sexuality.

Allowing a man to be as dominant as possible and allowing myself to be as submissive as possible in love making is divine love. It is totality.

Oreo......I found someone 2 months ago who could help me experience myself.

Let him in your mouth and let him take a lead ; follow the masculine direction and feel the strength he can offer you and experience him in your throat.

This is my sexuality, my choice, and my truth.

I want to experience both dominance and submission. Both are present in my Inner Balance - And therefore i must experience dominance outside.

When inner balance becomes a reality, a relationship can become a choice rather than a compulsion.

I can remain a virgin until I find the kind of intimacy I am looking for. And if I never find it, I am equally prepared to live—and die—as a virgin. I would rather honour my truth than enter a relationship that does not reflect who I am.

I am not looking for a relationship simply to fulfil a biological expectation, get married, have a baby, or satisfy society's expectations of womanhood. I very much wanted to experience motherhood like every other woman, but now iam simply looking for a adult son who can help me experience motherhood.

Anyways iam planning to give away my property to an orphanage after my death.

Now comes the real story :

From the time I returned to India, society repeatedly questioned my choices.

I was told that I wanted to surrender because I was insecure. 

I was accused of seeking money or material benefits in exchange for submission.

Some people assumed that I was single because I had failed in life. Others insisted that my circumstances had left me with no choice.

Some woman suggested (a separated woman who quit marriage after 18 years) that I was interested in exploring these feelings only with someone in a position of authority. She repeatedly mocked my sexuality and interpreted my choices through the lens of insecurity.

Perhaps what unsettled these woman was that my choices did not fit their own understanding of intimacy and security. They seemed unable to imagine that a woman might explore her sexuality out of curiosity and personal desire for inner wholeness, rather than material gain or insecurity.

In what ways the north indian society has idealized her as an empowered woman ?  Is it because she went inside the labour room to give birth to a child? and I chose  not to go.......?

Traditional patriarchal mindsets, particularly among some North Indian men, often make it easier to believe that a woman is single because she has failed in life or because her circumstances have left her with no other choice. They seem to struggle with the possibility that a woman might be single by choice. 

I often wonder whether this perception stems from cultural conditioning or simply from limited exposure to women who choose to live independently and on their own terms.

In particular, I have often found that people from more traditional North Indian social circles are quick to interpret my sexuality as a sign of insecurity. 

Yet, the reality of my life tells a very different story. Since my father’s death, I have lived independently for 19 years without a man by my side. My life has been shaped by self-reliance, resilience, and the ability to stand on my own. The stereotype imposed on me is, in many ways, the very opposite of my lived reality. 

Choosing submission in a consensual relationship does not automatically make a woman insecure, and not choosing submission does not automatically make another woman empowered. What matters is whether the choice is freely made, informed, respectful, and true to the individual.

Empowerment is the freedom to choose for oneself - whether to submit or not. The power to make that choice freely is what true empowerment means.

Why must a woman explain her sexuality repeatedly before society is willing to respect her choices?

The Question is do we believe in Equal Opportunities?

Iam doing great in my Job Hunt. I want the best Job without sacrificing my humanity.

Not sure why a woman's sexuality be used to question her intelligence, ambition, professional competence, or character.?