When Memory Becomes a Journey !

And when people say I have a problem with recall or memory, I see it differently.
Maybe what I need is not to hold on more tightly to the past, but to practice mindfulness.

To remind myself that the only moment I truly have is this one.

I can let the past be the past.
I can let the future remain unknown.
And I can simply be here.

Because the goal is not to remember every moment.
The goal is to be present enough to experience every moment.

My father was a man of dignity.
My grandfather remarried after my grandmother passed away. When my father was 10 years old, my grand father passed away and my step grand mother abandoned my father.

My father chose not to fight over property or wealth. He simply gave away what he could have claimed as his right to his stepmother.

He taught me that sometimes, what you walk away from does not make you poorer. 
It reveals who you are.

I was born to a man who chose dignity over possession.

So, when I was attracted to someone in 2017, I never expected that the powerful man I had rejected would mock me by claiming that I was interested in the other man because of his property. 

He could even convince the society. Damage my career !

I denied coaching that came in exchange of sex !

Was that his way of taking revenge for being rejected?

I don't know.

But I knew one thing:

How could anyone imagine that I would trade my dignity for poor circumstances?

And yet, life gave me another lesson.

In July 2026, I realized something about myself that even surprised me.

There was still a small part of me that believed:

If they genuinely apologized, perhaps I could give them another chance. Perhaps I could go back.

I was willing to leave the door open. 

I genuinely wanted to see whether things could be different.

They weren't.

So I stopped looking backward.

That failure gave me something far more valuable than an apology could ever have given me: clarity.

I finally understood that giving someone a second chance does not mean giving them the right to hurt you a second time.

And sometimes, you don't need another explanation.

You don't need another apology.

You don't need closure from the people who created the wound.

You become the closure.

And Move On.......

That part of me which believed i would go back if they apologized me does not exist anymore.

I chose - The Road Not Taken.

Not because I knew where it would lead.

But because I finally understood that my dignity was worth more than anything waiting at the end of the road I had left behind.

Probably the closest match. It has that “I am still moving” feeling rather than “I lost something.”

A butterfly never returns to being a caterpillar.

If I become successful, I will never come back.

If I fail, I will never come back.

Because this time, I am not walking away from something.

I am walking toward myself.

If you ask a wanderer, a nomad, or someone who has lived without one permanent home, “What do you remember?”, they may have nothing to say and they look confused.

Not because they have forgotten.

But because they have too much to remember.

And that is why I decided to swim three times a week — not just to strengthen my body, but to practice mindfulness.

When I swim, there is only the water, my breath, my movement, and the moment I am in.

No yesterday to hold on to.
No tomorrow to chase.

Just this breath.
This stroke.
This moment.

I don't need to remember every moment of my life.

Perhaps I need to learn how to fully live the moment I am in.