Why does society assume that when a single never married woman seeks a partner, she is seeking a provider?
That assumption is not a fact. It is a stereotype.
While reading the reviews and summaries of All the Single Ladies, I was struck by Rebecca Traister's exploration of how unmarried women have long been misunderstood and judged through society's expectations rather than by their actual lives, choices, and achievements.
Her work reminded me of my own journey.
For the past 18 years, after my father's death, I have lived independently. I built a career. I paid my own bills. I funded part of my own education. I travelled the world alone. I cared for my elderly mother. I made difficult decisions and quietly carried the responsibilities of adulthood.
Yet, at times, those 18 lonely years seem to disappear the moment I say I am attracted to a man.
They (The society) say i seek a provider and not partner. At times, it can feel as though the only thing that matter to society are that I have never walked into a wedding hall as a bride or into a labour room to give birth to a child.
A woman who has lived independently for 18 years does not stop being independent simply because she chooses to love someone. Her dignity, capability, and self-reliance do not disappear the moment she says, "I would like a partner."
Some people even went so far as to accuse me of faking my own life. Instead of engaging with what I was saying, they chose to deny my experiences because they did not fit their assumptions about what a single unmarried woman should be. Being disbelieved simply because my life doesn't match a stereotype is, in itself, a form of prejudice and bias.
A divorced woman is treated like God Mother.
They say faith it until you make it ;
Why are marriage and motherhood still treated as the milestones that validate a woman's strength?
Does courage begin only after wedding?
Does resilience require a marriage certificate or motherhood? Does dignity depend upon motherhood?
My own professional journey in 2018 taught me how powerful stereotypes can be.
Instead of being recognized for my experience, resilience, and professional capability, I was reduced to a stereotype—that as a single, unmarried woman, I must be looking for a man to provide for me.
That assumption had nothing to do with who I am.
It had everything to do with society's expectations of unmarried women.
No professional should have to defend herself against assumptions about her personal life before she is even given the opportunity to contribute.
I rejected the opportunity then -
I can promise any organization this: I will work hard. I will build products, create value, leave a legacy, and contribute wholeheartedly to the organization's success. What I cannot do is accept stereotypes that are not my reality.
I am treated as though I have failed in life simply -
because I am a virgin,
because I am not a mother, and
because I have never married.
My marital status is used to classify me as someone who could never find a partner, rather than as someone who made her own choices and built an independent life.
These labels do not define my worth—they reflect society's stereotypes, not my reality.
In my view, this stereotype is often reinforced by personal insecurities.
A separated woman may view an independent single unmarried woman through the lens of her own fears and insecurity, while men may interpret a single unmarried woman's independence as a challenge to his ego and personal identity.
Whatever its source, the stereotype says more about society's assumptions than it does about the woman herself.
Forcing me to accept a stereotype which is not me and then asking me to defend that stereotype which is not me is not acceptable.
The society must begin to see me as a successful woman who built her life independently and who consciously chose not to settle in marriage.
Every professional deserves the opportunity to be judged on merit, with dignity and fairness, not on stereotypes which the society creates about the personal lives (of a single unmarried woman).
Dear Society :
You must have heard of the quote - "Faith it till you make it" which is applicable to woman who went through storms in life, marriage, motherhood, labour room and raising the child.
But you dont need mangoes and babies to become Durga.
Durga is very much present in the unmarried single woman like me without marriage and without motherhood. We deserve some respect too.
The video below is from my native village in Kerala - Alappuzha.
Goddess Durga's chariot is built on my ancestral land and then pulled to the temple.
This is the living proof that Durga also resides in single unmarried woman like me.
The tallest Bhadrakali chariot in Asia is built on my ancestral land.
Single, unmarried women are capable of achieving extraordinary things. If we were given even a fraction of the dignity, trust, and recognition that society often extends to mothers, many of us could accomplish far more than we are given the opportunity to demonstrate.
Comments