And That, My Friends, Is Patriarchy in Action !

A conversation with my swimming coach over Budweiser !
Lets begin with a Cheers !

We discussed  Opportunistic Behaviour !
Bettada Hoovu is a new Bar and Kitchen in Bengaluru about 1km from my Home !

Just like how men can be feminists, patriarchy isn’t just upheld by men—women can engage in patriarchy too! At its core, patriarchy isn’t about gender—it’s about power dynamics. It’s a system where control, dominance, and hierarchy take priority over fairness and equality. And anyone—man or woman—who benefits from  this system plays a role in keeping it alive.

Remember those old-school action movies where the hero jumps from a 20-story building, lands without a scratch, and walks away flipping sunglasses? Yeah, that’s not him. That’s his stunt double.

In one Kannada movie, the lead actress had to fall down a staircase. She walked onto the first step with no bindi, and the stunt double, who had to take the actual fall, had a bindi. 

The logical solution? Make the lead redo her part.

The actual solution? They made the stunt double fall down the stairs again—this time, without the bindi.

And that, right there, is patriarchy in action—not just in who holds power, but in how it’s enforced. Here, the lead actress herself participated in the patriarchal system, while the stunt double bore the consequences. Because in patriarchy, it’s not just about men vs. women—it’s about who has power and who is made to fall.

Opportunistic behaviour refers to actions driven by a desire to take advantage of situations to maximize personal gain, often with minimal concern for others. It’s about prioritizing personal gain at the expense of ethics, fairness.

Have you heard of  Sexual Opportunism !
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_opportunism

Let’s talk about my experience in India between 2015 and 2019. Imagine this:

1. You hire a BBM-MBA for a stakeholder management role in the field of data science.
2. You suddenly pretend to be shocked—SHOCKED—that she doesn’t know Python or C++.
3. The employer didn’t want a coder. They wanted a convenient excuse to push her into a vulnerable position—because, surprise surprise, fulfilling the "top-performing business leader’s" sexual desires was apparently the real KPI.

The lead actress is just a skin with a storm—her real power lies with the investors and the BPO. They make sure she isn’t falling down the stairs; while they force and make someone else does fall.

And that, my friends, is patriarchy in action!

An excellent example of women trying for deceptive gain—leveraging power, influence, and connections to maintain control while making others take the fall. Because in patriarchy, it’s not just about men vs. women—it’s about who holds the power and who gets sacrificed for it.

In the workplace, the system  had the opportunity to let me grow, create wealth, to succeed on my own merits. But nope! Instead, they were more invested in making sure the "stunt double" (a.k.a. women who don’t comply with patriarchy) keep falling down the stairs—until she either quit or give in for sex. Because in this system, a single woman can have a career OR dignity—but not both.

Whenever I reflect on my experiences from 2015 to 2019, tears inevitably well up in my eyes. During that time, I was drawn to a man from Singapore and felt a deep longing for motherhood—just a natural biological instinct. But today, the thought of both love and motherhood fills me with fear—or perhaps,  I fear, but what the world has turned them into. Whenever the memories resurface, I feel a strong urge to visit an orphanage and shower the children with genuine love, because that’s what they truly need—unconditional love. 

I find a sense of safety with DEI Enthu, for the compassion he holds even towards someone who falsely accused him. Dignity is very important ! Without Dignity there is no difference between Man and Animal !

My Swimming Coach ; 

He is not an ordinary man ; he has been a head coach at Michael Phelps Swimming School with 25 years of experience in swimming ; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Phelps

He claims that opportunistic behaviour is ruled out in swimming ; Swimming enforces strict adherence to rules—false starts, illegal strokes, or lane infringements lead to disqualification. This conditions individuals to value fair play over deceptive gains.

Sports teaches fairness, discipline, and integrity. It’s about winning through skill, effort, and respect for the game.

In the corporate world - some bastards engage in opportunistic behaviour?  

Have you head of that slogan : We Create Opportunities......

They bend the rules, manipulate the system, and exploit others—all while pretending they’ve "earned" their success. Because for them, winning and success isn’t about merit—it’s about deception.

And that, my friends, is patriarchy in action!

Since restarting swimming in October 2024, I’ve gradually begun to find relief from this event of sexual harassment—though it was never physical, the emotional toll it took on me has been profound. The entire experience pushed me into deep emotional trauma, and I still struggle to break free from it. The way I was labeled as an outcast only added to the pain, making it even harder to heal.

Yet, it feels like the water flowing from my eyes is far more than the water in the pool. I am still on the path to healing, but I haven’t reached there yet.

Each failure we endure equips us to face the next challenge, propelling us forward with resilience.