True belonging and self-worth are not goods ; we don’t negotiate our value with the world.
Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness.
Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness.
In a culture obsessed with perfectionism and approval, where civility and compassion is often undermined, it's tempting to retreat into our ideological safe zones, or conform and fit in rather than reveal our authentic selves and face the wilderness of uncertainty and criticism.
After spending nearly six years abroad, I returned to India in 2015. I encountered the typical Indian challenges associated with being a single, unmarried woman in India.
In March 2018, I was presented with a proposition in exchange of sexual favours, and though refusing it almost jeopardized my career, I was resolute in my decision: I was not going to negotiate who Iam.
They wanted to prove that :
My Dreams and Hopes has a price tag
My Feelings has a price tag
My Clothes has a price tag
And they can also be haggled down !
ISOLATED ; I Stood ALONE !
The hardship i encountered in 2020 - 2021 was a struggle of both losing and finding myself.
Every Struggle i encountered transformed me from a Caterpillar to a Butterfly.
At the end of 2021 , I chose to forgive those who had jeopardized my career with compassion, aiming to end the conflict and find resolution.
Although the battle came to an end ; Despite my efforts, I still felt trapped.
There was no FREEDOM !
My compassion was misinterpreted as an acceptance of the proposition made in 2018, which left me feeling frustrated.
I found myself unable to prove that I am not defined by how others choose to see me !
They wanted to prove that :
My Dreams and Hopes has a price tag
My Feelings has a price tag
My Clothes has a price tag
And they can also be haggled down !
Between Feb - July 2024, the same individuals reappeared, attempting to force me to fit into their negotiations once again. They tried to win me over with negotiations, reducing me to the status of a mere commodity - someone who has kept herself for a sale ; and Iam a virgin.
During this period - I was UNFAIRLY JUDGED , MOCKED ; BULLIED.
They constantly compared me with a separated woman ;
Although my individual professional networth was much higher than this separated woman ;
These men constantly compared my overall networth with the overall networth (Car ; Home ; Luxurious Life) of separated woman. These women often had their net worth boosted by their ex-husband or father - creating a comparison that seemed unfair and impossible for me to compete.
I could not challenge the Bullying and Mockery other than just TOLERATING !
They used SHAME to manipulate my EMOTIONS creating a dynamic where they felt that they could force me to reciprocate or concede and surrender.
My only principle was :
Dont walk with the WORLD looking for EVIDENCE that YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH - Because you are always going to find it.
And ; Once I find EVIDENCE ;
I may FIT-IN for YOU....the SOCIETY ;
But I may not BELONG TO MYSELF !
And Iam not READY to BETRAY MYSELF !
My SELF-WORTH is not equal to my NET-WORTH !
They wanted to brand me as someone who could be diminished with negotiation ;
However I refused to be a reflection of their own self.
Imagine how cruel this woman was, holding the hands (dick) of 2 C Suite Execs to put a price tag on me ; It's troubling to see women supporting male dominance in the process.
I cant even imagine treating a sex-worker (prostitution) in this manner and iam a single unmarried virgin woman.
If I witness a man mistreating a sex worker in such a way, I would be compelled to stand up to him firmly and confront him about his behavior.
If you can RESPECT a sex-worker ; you will respect your female peer / colleague ;
If you can RESPECT a sex-worker ; you will respect your wife ;
If you can RESPECT a sex-worker ; you will respect your girlfriend;
If you can RESPECT a sex-worker ; you will respect your mother ;
If you cannot RESPECT a sex-worker ; you will not be able to respect any of the above woman.
I do not have the capacity to put a price tag on any woman with the power of a man ; even if the woman is a sex worker.
Iam a FEMINIST ; and I always take the side of woman even if the women is a sex-worker !
I decided to Tolerate the BULLY - But not NEGOTIATE WHO IAM.
I STOOD FIRM. I WAS GROUNDED.
I refused to be a reflection of their own self.
Story Teller : Now that we both have accomplished what we set out to, I’m ready to move on from this challenging situation and explore whether a deeper, more meaningful connection is possible at an elevated level. Iam also cleaning the Blog just like how you have been cleaning your profile.
Or the other hand :
I’m certain that the men who sought to sway me through negotiation ; men who have attempted to put a price tag on me will not be pleased with this revelation.
In 2024, something truly extraordinary unfolded in my life—an event that stands in stark contrast to the attempts by some men to diminish my self-worth through negotiation and commodification.
A Shakti temple in my hometown, Alappuzha, Kerala, reached out with a heartfelt request: they wanted to use my land for Annadanam—providing meals to devotees—for 11 days during Shivaratri. This selfless act, grounded in the spirit of giving, was to take place during the very time I was enduring relentless bullying and mockery.
This coincidence was more than just timing; it felt like a profound message from a higher power, a divine intervention that reaffirmed my belief in the Law of Nature. It was as if the universe was showing me that my true worth cannot be defined by others' attempts to place a price tag on me.
The event was a powerful symbol of abundance, generosity, and grace—a validation that I am not a reflection of those who sought to undermine me. It was a reminder that my value is not for sale, and no amount of negotiation can alter my inherent self-worth.
Here's a glimpse of the temple where i donated the land for 11 days of Annadanam !
Locally known as Valiya-Kulam-Gara Devi, the Goddess is revered as the divine presence residing on the banks of the big pond—her essence embodying grandeur and tranquility.
Valiya - Translates to BigKulam - Translates to Pond
Gara - Translates to Banks
The Goddess who resides on the Banks of the Big Pond !
To those who tried to brand me as someone whose SELF-WORTH could be diminished by a price tag, know this: your efforts to assign a PRICE to me have been met with a powerful counterpoint. My spirit remains untouched by your attempts. I am not defined by your perceptions or constraints.
This experience has strengthened my resolve and illuminated my path. I am not a reflection of your limitations; I am a beacon of resilience and self-worth, guided by a higher grace.
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