The guilty Me.

And then i begin my journey to my office in an auto-rickshaw everyday to office
Yes i love traveling in  an auto rickshaw and the only reason is to meet different people of different culture lol...Its an adventure!

Every morning ...."" i need to reach office for a meeting which i really feel is not necessary ...""

But my mornings gets excited ....the people around you , the unknown auto rickshaw drivers ....
A close feel of Indian Middle Class ,i always tell my friends - ""India will grow when the Indian Middle class grows - because the Indian upper class continues to be corrupted and cheat and lower class  continues to be uneducated and ignorant.""
It is the Indian Middle Class who will take India to great heights because they still follow those culture values and ethics .
Satya Nadella and the list has many more people

A few months ago i met a genius auto-walla and his name is "Wasim"
Wasim was one of those Muslim who seemed to be ""philanthropic""
Wasim originally from Mysore is a great character , he always charges a fair fare , speak reasonable English  , He drove me to office twice a week.

He was the best example to other auto-Wallas's who are impolite and impatient  .
He always said -"Madam  ನಿಮಗೆ ಒಳ್ಳೆ ಗಂಡ ಸಿಗ್ತಾನೆ "  
Meaning ""you will get a nice husband because you are so  kind - hearted"" hahaha..
Sometimes he just surprised me with his ignorance and sometimes his friendliness and goodness of heart -A 28 year old boy and he had 2 daughters he always said - ""madam - ""ನನಗೆ ಮಕ್ಕಳನ್ನ ಓಡ್ಸಿದ್ರೆ ಸಾಕು ಜೀವನಧಲ್ಲಿ ಬೇರೆ ಏನು ಬೇಡ "" meaning all i want is to get my daughters educated ""

For a week i did not see him , i got to know he went to Mysore 
One fine day - a friend of him told me that "he committed suicide""
I felt guilty - i went home to see his dead body and saw his family in grief.

""A few words of wisdom ""-would not have prevented him from dying , but at least it would have given me a sense of satisfaction that at least i said a few words of wisdom to him that would have made him happy and think otherwise""  
May be i could have made him think otherwise

The fact that someone i knew killed himself was a great deal of pain to me , i could not work that day!
I felt that i did not do a social responsibility of mine.
Perhaps when he told me "" ಮನೆ ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ಜಗಳ - ಅನ್ನ ತಮ್ಮಂದಿರು ಭಾಗ /ಆಸ್ತಿ   ಗೋಸ್ಕರ ಜಗಳ  ಮಾಡತಾರೆ -  ಆಸ್ತಿ ನಮ್ಮ  ತಂದೆ  ಅವರದ್ದು - ಅವರು ಜೀವಂತವಾಗಿ ಇರುವರೆಗೂ ಭಾಗ ಬೇಡ ಅಂಥ  ನಾನು ಹೇಳ್ತಿನಿ  -ನನಗೆ ಭಾಗ ಮಾಡೋದು ಇಷ್ಟ ಇಲ್ಲ .ನನಗೆ ತಂದೆ ತಾಯಿ ಕಂಡ್ರೆ ಪ್ರೀತಿ "" ಮ್ಯಾಡಮ್
""My brothers  fights over property in my home "" he felt helpless and he felt that everybody is selfish "" He loves his parents and does not want brothers to fight this way and he feels helpless""
 
I was busy replying my office emails on my IOS Outlook , i was so worried about my work .
""How selfish i was "" - how could i forget my social responsibility ???
I felt that my office work was more important than what he said on that day !

A few words of wisdom might have protected him from death - what is the use of my education???
My education is a waste  -  i felt guilty of myself and i could not work for the rest of the week.
He always tells me  ನೀವು ಎಲ್ಲ  ತಿಳಿದಿರೋರು ,  ನಮಗೆ ನೀವು ಹೇಳ್ಕೊಡ್ಬೇಕು ""
""you should advice us because you are so educated "" he had a great respect for me - and when the time came for me to advice him - he does not exist.

"How selfish i was ""???? that guilty feeling remains with me until date

Depression is so often the result of focusing way too much on the outside world and how one can’t control it (and the despair that comes from believing that ones’ own well-being is dependent on that outside, uncontrollable world)- yes his focus was on outside world , while i knew that your inner self is what can control the outside world.
A few words of wisdom could have saved his life .He dies for a silly reason!

When i said this to my mom she replies
""Death is never untimely. Yes It is never untimely.""
It is never “too soon”. It is never too late""
Every transition, no matter how it happens, comes in perfect timing, and with the agreement of our higher selves. ""
His time had come , may be he died of a different issue and you go to bed after shower

May Wasim's  soul rest in peace . 





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